Dr. Phelan: The 1-2-3 Magic program is an outgrowth of my private practice as a clinical psychologist and my parenting experience. It also draws from my experience in child guidance and working in the mental health field with children and families. I distinctly remember one day when I was talking to a mother who came in about her 10-year-old son. She was going on and on and on, and I realized I was starting to get irritated with her because she talked so much. I thought to myself if I am irritated – what about her 10-year-old son? He must be irritated too! Then it dawned on me. Talking is not benign. It’s not even neutral. Talking can be a positively negative experience if you know what I mean.

eNannySource.com: What I love about your program is the non-emotional approach to discipline. Can you tell me more about why that’s such an important part of the program?

Dr. Phelan: First, the more you talk, the more emotional you get. The more you talk, the more you tend to confuse and fluster your child while they are trying to think clearly about your message. You get emotional, the child gets emotional and then no one thinks clearly.

Second, some kids enjoy getting a big bang out of their parents – in a negative sense. This is a big problem for kids who enjoy rocking the boat. The more of a response they get, the more satisfaction they get, thus the more revenge they get.  If they can get successful revenge, they will.

eNannySource: I know no discipline strategy is a one-sized-fits-all fix, but I have seen 1-2-3 Magic work for tons of different types of children in the 15 years I’ve been using the approach. Why does it work so well?

Dr. Phelan: It works for most kids most of the time. It works because parents know what they are doing and they have a strategy for each problem. Kids sense if their parents do not know what they are doing. They pick up on confidence, and if the parents know what they are doing it is a deterrent to misbehavior. The trick is to get the kids to cooperate before they’re overloaded. By not talking and by not getting emotional, you get them to cooperate, as opposed to getting more emotional and getting into an argument. When that happens, the child is churned up and he can’t cooperate.  You have success because you are aborting the emotional response in an early stage for both parents and children.

eNannySource.com: What’s the biggest mistake parents make today in terms of disciplining their kids?

Dr. Phelan: They talk too much. They see kids as little adults.

eNannySource: You talk about stop and start behaviors. Which is harder, to get a behavior to stop or to start?

Dr. Phelan: It is definitely harder to get a kid to start a behavior. Think about it: getting up and out of the house, eating dinner and doing homework versus stopping whining and stopping arguing.  To stop misbehavior with motivation using the counting to three method, it stops in a half a second. Homework could take 50 minutes, eating can take 20. The longer something takes, the more motivation is required.

eNannySource: You have several versions of the book out there – some geared towards teachers and Christian parents. Does the strategy change with the audience?

Dr. Phelan: The theory is the same, but the situations they address are different.  The book for teachers addresses classroom-related issues. The Christian book starts with a Bible verse and ends with exercises for Christian parents to enhance their knowledge of the program with commentary. The Christian book actually came about because a Baptist minister called me and told me I was missing out on a big market because the book had the word magic in the title. We debated taking magic out of the title and then decided against it. The theory is compatible with the Bible, so we edited the interior of the book to reflect that.

eNannySource: What is the one thing you wish parents knew before they came to see you?

Dr. Phelan: All of us got caught off guard when we become parents.  It’s a shock and a trauma. Give yourself a break. You entered into a thing that was more shocking and more traumatic then you ever could have imagined. Don’t shoot from the hip. Find a strategy.  Pick something – anything – and stick with it.

Dr. Phelan’s program that started out as a 60 page pamphlet has now sold over 1.4 million copies of books in 22 languages. You can learn more about Dr. Phelan’s 1-2-3 Magic approach and purchase copies of his book at his company’s website http://www.123magic.com/.

Source: The original interview was posted on eNannySource.com

1. Laughing at a Funeral – Perhaps the most horrifying thing you can do at a funeral is laugh, but it does happen. With the tension of the situation, some people just crack under the pressure. It’s not uncommon for some mourners to find themselves battling back a case of the giggles, despite their grief.
2. Laughing When a Person Gets Hurt – While there’s certainly a market for entertainment based solely around the idea of finding humor in another’s misfortune, laughing at someone who’s just sustained a serious injury can often be the result of the high-pressure situation and nervous fear.
3. Getting the Hiccups when Going on an Interview – The hiccups are irritating under normal circumstances, but they can also be triggered by stress in some people. When you’re on a job interview, especially during such tough economic times, it’s downright horrifying. The stress of trying to suppress hiccups can draw the sufferer’s focus away from the interview itself, creating a vicious cycle in which their embarrassment over the hiccups causes even more stress and further exacerbates the situation.
4. Throwing Up the Morning of Your Wedding – Sometimes a sour stomach on your wedding day can be attributed to the celebrations of the night before, but that’s not always the case. It’s not uncommon for people in stressful situations to find themselves struggling with nausea, especially on one of the biggest days of your life.
5. Tripping Up the Stairs – Becoming self-conscious during important moments can lead to an inability to use your regular motor functions. At a graduation or an award ceremony, it’s easy to lose your footing and trip up those stairs. The worst part is the burning in your face when you realize hundreds of people just witnessed your embarrassment. Just stand up, shake it off and keep on going. Try not to dwell on it for too long because that may cause it to happen again.
6. Turning Bright Red When Thinking Impure Thoughts – Blushing at a risqué joke is one thing, but knowing that you’re turning a telltale shade of red when something sparks an impure thought or two is another. On a first date, the nerves in conjunction with your attraction to another person can cause your face to flush, effectively giving you away.
7. Not Being Able to Talk to the Opposite Sex – Like in the TV show “Big Bang Theory,” one character’s inability to speak around women is a nervous reaction that happens in real life. Selective mutism can affect anyone and is more likely to happen when you’re around someone you’re attracted to. You get nervous thinking that this other person will judge you if you say something “stupid,” so you are struck silent.
8. Talking Too Much – While some people find themselves struggling to speak when they’re nervous, others have trouble stemming the tide of words falling from their mouths. One of the most common nervous reactions is becoming more talkative than usual, even when you’re actively trying to stay quiet.
9. Wetting Yourself – Being so nervous that you’re battling a full-on anxiety attack or something close to it can bring on a case of the weak bladder, which is a common reaction to intense fear or stress. The fact that it’s somewhat common doesn’t make it any less mortifying, though.
10. Giggling Around Your Crush – Nervous laughter doesn’t only happen at funerals. It can also happen when you’re approached by someone you’ve taken a fancy to. Giggling when a pretty girl asks you for the time might not be the smoothest one in the book, but it is one of the most natural.

Nervous reactions are difficult to overcome because they often happen through no control of your own. Without knowing why they happen, it’s hard to accept them and get past them. Just try not to chide yourself for reacting inappropriately in the face of stress, because you’ll only add to your anxiety and possibly bring on more embarrassing reactions.

Author: Elisabeth Wright

1. Withdrawal from Activities – Has your child lost interest in extracurricular activities he once enjoyed? This could be a sign of your child being bullied. If he once loved his after-school clubs or teams and now actively avoids them, there could be harassment taking place that makes him reluctant to attend.
2. Eating and Sleeping Habit Changes – Noticeable changes in your child’s eating or sleeping patterns can indicate that she’s under some sort of stress, which could be the result of being targeted by bullies. She could have a lessened appetite because of the thoughts running through her mind of her tormentor. If she’s eating more at home than usual, it could mean that her lunch is being stolen. Her sleeping habits could have changed because she now has nightmares about the person picking on her. There are a variety of potential causes for these changes, so they should be investigated.
3. Irritability – Being picked on can put anyone in a bad mood, so try to look for the root of increased irritability or a shortened temper after school. Bullies wear on a child’s self-esteem, and a child with low self-esteem can lash out from that added tension.
4. Avoiding School – The occasional faked stomach ache is a common ploy to get out of school for a few hours of sleep or to miss a test she’s not prepared for, but regular attempts to get out of going to school may be a sign of a child who’s actively avoiding her tormentors.
5. Decrease in Grades – It’s difficult to concentrate on school work and getting good grades when that mean kid in class keeps kicking your chair or making fun of you. Your child’s grades might be suffering, not due to indifference to school, but due to a bully constantly nagging.
6. Fidgeting – If your child used to sit still very well and for long periods of time but now seems to fidget, it could be because of a bully. A physical bully may spur the “flight” half of the “fight or flight” instinct, causing them to be hyper-aware of their surroundings and always ready to bolt.
7. Unwilling to Discuss School – A child who avoids answering questions about his day or answers evasively could be hiding the fact that someone was picking on him. The part of the school day that has the longest impression on your child right now may be the fact that someone doesn’t like him and he’s being made fun of. It’s tough to remember the exciting parts of the day when your child’s thoughts are consumed by the torment of a classmate.
8. Acting Out – Increased aggression and violent outbursts can be an indicator of bullying, as kids who spend their days being harassed seek an outlet for their frustrations. Any sudden personality change should be cause for concern, but a turn in a more aggressive direction should be addressed immediately.
9. Being Mean to Younger Siblings – Is your child starting to pick on your other children? If so, she might have a bully she’s dealing with when you aren’t there. It’s natural to want to unload your burden onto someone else in the same way it was unloaded onto you. Your child could just need to get her anger out of her but doesn’t know how to, so she resorts to doing the same thing to her younger siblings that is being done to her.
10. Unexplained Bruises or Injuries – Physical bullies do still exist. If your child comes home with bruises or injuries that are not linked to the regular rambunctiousness of a child, it’s time to get concerned. Yes, it’s possible that he fell down on the playground, but it’s also possible that he was pushed down by a bully and is scared to tell you about it.

The shame and embarrassment that can accompany being bullied is often enough to keep kids quiet about their troubles, especially if they’re afraid that they’ll be subjected to retribution for tattling. Be patient with your child and let him know that you’re on his side, and that you’ll find a solution to the problem together.

Author: Teresa Blecher

The Importance of Communicating with Kids

Children are our gift to the future. In order for them to be productive in society, it is our job as parents to teach them how to live well. That can be accomplished through communication. Often, as parents, we talk to our kids but it is frequently a one-sided conversation. But, it is better if there is two-way communication. Here’s why:

• Less chance of risky behavior
• You know what your child is thinking
• You know what your child is doing
• You can influence your child
• You teach them healthy emotional behavior

Kids are people too and when we treat them as such, they gain a positive sense of who they are and also respect for what we have to teach them.

Twenty Ways to Show How You Feel to Your Child

1. Listen to them when they talk – Actively hear what they have to say when they are talking.

2. Ask about their day at school – When they get in the car, ask what they did, how they felt and what is going on in their life.

3. Share a family meal – Many families eat dinner together as a way of catching up on each other’s lives.

4. Make time for family time – Have a family game night or just a set aside time when you discuss current events and what is happening in the family.

5. Maintain eye contact when you are talking to them – This lets them know that nothing else is holding your attention but what they have to say.

6. Ask follow-up questions – If they give you a one-word answer to your first question, ask another.

7. Show respect – Speak to them with respect no matter what their age. Knock before entering their room even if the rule is no locked doors.

8. Read body language – Your child may say they are fine but their mannerisms may suggest otherwise.

9. Tell them you love them – You can never say it enough when you mean it.

10. Encourage them to talk – Children have opinions, too. Listen to them.

11. Be honest with them – Kids can catch you in a lie. Avoid hypocrisy.

12. Talk about when you were a kid – Kids want to know they are not alone.

13. Accept their right to their emotions – Let them express their emotions in a healthy way.

14. Encourage their interests.

15. Act like a kid – Live a day in their shoes.

16. Support them.

17. Share their interests.

18. Let them help cook dinner.

19. Avoid saying hurtful things to them.

20. Touch them – Give hugs, kisses and pats on the back.

Let your kids know how you feel and encourage them to do the same. Communicate with them.

Here are some tips on how to help kids understand their emotions.

1. Give the Feelings Names

It’s amazing how often we adults forget that, for small children, emotions are nameless, scary things. We forget that they don’t always know what is happening to them in the middle of an emotional “moment”!

For toddlers and preschoolers, it helps to provide the words that go with the emotion. “Right now you are feeling angry,” you could say. This helps them understand what’s going on: “Anger – so that’s what that is!”

For older kids and teens, it might help to explain some of the changes they are going through and let them know that overwhelming emotions are normal for their age.

2. Feelings Are Not “Wrong”

Sometimes, in our efforts to correct undesirable behavior, parents correct their kids for feeling a certain way. But no one can really control the way he or she feels about something; what we can control is how we act.

Try validating your child’s feelings – “I understand you feel frustrated, and it’s okay to feel frustrated,” while also correcting behavior – “You can feel frustrated, but you can’t throw things.” Then you can offer an alternative. “When you feel frustrated, scream into this pillow,” or “Punch the couch with your fist.” It’s important to provide an outlet and let your kids know what is acceptable behavior, not just what isn’t.

3. Talk about Your Own Feelings

Give your own feelings names, and do it verbally. You can say you feel angry, or really excited, or whatever emotion causes you to behave in a way that makes your kids take note. Hopefully, you can also model appropriate outlets for those feelings. If you drop the ball on this one, talk about it with your kids. Ask them how Mom/Dad could have handled the emotions better.

4. The Feelings of Others

As your child comes to understand the words that belong to the feelings and, for older kids, some of the reasons behind the big emotions, you can point out that a behavior of theirs makes another person feel a certain way. And your kids will know what that feels like, and will likely want to stop whatever behavior makes the other person feel bad.

For instance, you could tell your child you understand she is angry, but she is causing her little brother to be very sad. Your daughter will understand what “sad” feels like, and probably won’t want to keep making her little brother feel that way. This will help your kids in relationships later, too – empathizing with the emotions of others is important to having effective interpersonal relationships.

Stay connected with the child’s friends by allowing and encouraging him to have friends over. When parents encourage their child’s friends to spend time at the house where parents can witness the type of interactions that occur, parents are able to better appreciate the world their child lives in. This will also help encourage the child to open up and share more experiences and feelings with his parents.

Give your children a break from the pressures of their social media life.  One of the reasons bullying today is so alarming is that a good majority of it does not happen in person, but instead occurs virtually through social media sites. Because of this, a good way to help protect your child from the sorrow of cyber bullying is to create a “turn off time” in the house.  This is the time that all phones, computers, tablets and desktops get turned off for the night.  With this rule in place, your child at least has a time when he is not allowed to see or hear any hurtful comments.  It may not make the comments go away, but being forced to turn everything off for a while will make difference and give him some respite from the attacks if he is a victim of cyber bullying.

Fully listen to the child’s side of the story. Sometimes parents hear part of the story and assume they know the rest. It is very important to a child’s emotional stability to be fully heard by at least one person.  When a child can trust that his parents will listen to him fully no matter what, it gives him the strength to be honest about the issues he’s facing.

When a child shares an incident of bullying, respond with loving concern rather than trying to immediately fix the problem. Often, when parents first hear about a bullying incident, their initial reaction is to quickly find a solution.  This can frustrate a child who simply wanted someone to know what he is going though.  Avoid instantly coming back to him with simple “solutions” or even cliché’s that will do nothing to help the situation.

Ask the child how he wants to be helped before jumping in to fix the problem.  Many times children really just want a shoulder to cry on and are not looking for parents to help them fix anything.  Parents should have a discussion with their child before they come up with any solutions to the problem.

Validate the child’s emotions.  No matter what, the child is looking for someone to tell him it is ok to be worried, angry and even scared about being bullied.  Parents can validate these emotions by sharing stories from their own childhood and making sure the child knows that he has done nothing wrong.  Above all else, a child should walk away from his parents knowing that what he said is confidential and safe with them.

Rather than making blanket statements, ask the child questions to help him look at the issue from a different perspective.  Questions are the best way to help a child discover his own feelings about the situation at hand.  Choose questions that will help him think not just about how he feels about what happened, but also why he might feel that way. “Tell me more about that.”  “Why do you think that hurt you so much?” “How did everyone around you respond?” “What can you do to change the situation?” “What do you want to do about it?” These are a few questions that can help lead the child to discover how he really feels and what he wants to do about the situation.

Avoid being too directly involved in any issues your children has with their peers.Most parents want to not only help the child fix the problem, but also to fix the problem themselves.  While there is most definitely a time to talk to teachers and principals and to advocate for the child in other ways, the best and most effective thing a parent can do to help a child who is being bullied is to lead the child to his own conclusions about how to address the situation and then support and encourage him when he follows through on those actions.  Becoming directly involved can not only be embarrassing for a child, it also make the situation much worse.  In addition, it does not teach the child how to respond to these types of situations in life.

No parent wants their child to be bullied, but finding the right balance of love, observation and action can help a child not only get through the difficult events that are inevitable in childhood these days, but actually become a stronger and more resilient adult because of them.

Author: Anne Laurie

Will He Outgrow His Stutter?

Some children simply grow out of their stutter with a bit of speech therapy or special attention. Others, however, may continue to struggle with their stutter throughout adulthood. According to research published by the University of Iowa, girls are more likely to outgrow stuttering than their male counterparts. As a result, the ratio of males that chronically stutter to females is approximately three to one as children get older.

While there is evidence to support the idea that your child could outgrow her stutter without intervention, taking action to help her overcome her speech difficulties can boost those chances even further.

Stuttering Support at Home

Kids need to know that their home is their safe haven, especially if they’re regularly teased or bullied by classmates. Making sure that your child feels loved and valued can not only help to counteract some of his shame regarding his speech inarticulateness, but also create an environment conducive to supporting outside speech therapy and promote results from within the home.

Make sure that everyone in the household knows and abides by a “no interrupting” rule. When a stuttering child feels that he’ll have to rush his statements in order to be heard without interruption, the pressure and stress can exacerbate his speech difficulties. It can be very tempting to finish your child’s sentences for him or to respond to him before he’s completed a sentence in order to spare him the effort of struggling with his speech difficulties, but this can also be damaging to his self-esteem and impede his speech-therapy progress. It’s also important to strictly enforce rules regarding teasing in your home; if your child is frequently bullied by his peers and classmates due to his stutter and comes home to the same jokes and laughter at his expense from siblings or even parents, it only damages his self-esteem further. When your child is speaking, be conscious of your own reactions to him. Listen to what he’s saying and make an effort to understand him without showing signs of frustration or sadness. Furthermore, avoid calling attention to your child’s speech difficulties with phrases like “slow down,” or “speak clearly.” In addition to noticeably slowing his speech, this behavior also can make him even more self-conscious about the issue. Try to listen closely and be patient with your little one as he stutters.

When to Enlist the Help of a Professional

A child that still stutters at the age of five should have the assistance of medical professionals in order to help her overcome the situation, if possible. Also, a child that regularly repeats entire words and phrases, rather than single syllables, may require the assistance of a pediatrician or speech-language therapist. If a child’s stutter worsens, the muscles of his face and neck visibly tense when he speaks, he’s avoiding situations in which he may be required to speak, or stuttering is accompanied by facial tics or body movements, it may be time to enlist the help of a professional.

When your child is under the care of a speech-language therapist, make sure that you establish a dialogue with her in order to ensure that you’re working together to get your child all of the help he needs along the way. Remember that you are a team, and that helping your child overcome his stutter will be a team effort. Take the advice and suggestions of your child’s speech-language therapist to heart, and make an effort to ask what you can do at home to reinforce the help he’s receiving. Remember that the longer you wait after your child begins exhibiting stuttering symptoms before consulting a medical professional or speech-language therapist, the less likely he is to recover fully.

Author: Meghan Welker

Limit the amount of errands in a day you do with your child.  Children have a tendency to get bored and tired more quickly than adults do when it comes to errands.  There is no purpose in the errand for the child; it is just some place he is being forced to go to.  Though it is important to bring a child on errands so he will learn how to interact with people in society, limiting how many he has to accompany his caregiver on can cut down on the number of tantrums in public.

Prepare the child ahead of time.  It is important to prepare him for any type of transition, but going into a store or other public venue requires even more planning.  Give him a list of the events of the day.  “We are going to three places before we come back home: the bank, the grocery store and the post office.”  As you finish at each spot help him to count down how many more places he is going to go.  Remind him what he enjoys about each place and what he gets to do when the errands are done and he can go home.

Help the child release frustrations before heading out in public.  A lot of the time parents and caregivers take an already aggravated child out into public and are then irritated when that child does not cooperate.  If the child is having an off day, find an activity that will help him to release some of the frustration he has bottled up before he leaves the house.  This could be in the form of some type of physical activity, having a conversation about what is bothering him, or playing a special game before he leaves.  Sometimes the only way for this frustration to come out is for him to have a temper tantrum in the house.  Temper tantrums themselves are not bad, they are simply a way that the child has found to release the aggravation he has.

Provide some kind of non-monetary reward for behaving in a helpful manner.  It is not a good idea to get in the habit of promising a new toy or candy when the child behaves well in public.  This could quickly become a big problem because he will begin to expect it.  However, the reward of extra time spent with his parents could be a fantastic motivator for him.

Give the child a job to do to distract him when he is starting to lose it.  Kids need purpose.  This is one of the reasons errands and long social gatherings can get so boring for children.  When parents make the event fun and give it meaning, children become less likely to feel the need to throw a temper tantrum.

Let him have a meltdown without responding so that he can see that it is not an effective strategy.  There are a lot of ways to avoid meltdowns.  But sometimes the best way to avoid future meltdowns is to allow the one that is happening now to happen.  Parents often get extremely worried and anxious when their child is screaming in public because they feel like everyone is upset or judging them.  The truth is that anyone watching who has ever been a parent or caregiver of young children is feeling only empathy for that parent.  The only thing parents should be worried about in the moment is what is best for their child, and sometimes the best thing is to allow him to get angry and scream with no one persuading him with threats or rewards to stop.  The tantrum will pass and he will see that it has no effect on the circumstance he is in so he will be less likely to do it any time soon.

There are a lot of worries parents of young children face that are very real and worthy of caution.  Fear of a child having a temper tantrum in public should not be one of them.  With a few simple steps, parents can confidently venture out into any public setting with even the most temperamental child.

Author: Anne Laurie

I bet you have at least one of the symptoms of ADHD yourself. Or maybe even two or three. In fact, most of these can be associated to anyone over 30. Does that mean that most adults are ADHD?

1. Lacking Attention to Details – One of the symptoms of ADHD is not paying attention to details. However, a lot of  adults have this problem as they get older. Not paying attention to details could be nothing more than simply not caring about the subject. As adults, there are many details we choose to ignore because they don’t pertain to our goals or interest. Couldn’t the same frame of mind be within a child?

2. Poor Listening Abilities – If you ask any woman, she will tell you her man has ADHD because of his poor listening abilities. At the risk of being sexist, not many men can argue with this fact.

3. Losing Stuff – After we hit the age of 30, it seems more and more things come up missing as time marches on.  Who hasn’t misplaced car keys, a wallet, or a phone? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), we need expensive medication in order to have a productive life. With this kind of mindset, doctors are telling us that medication can help us keep track of the TV remote.

4. Avoiding Tasks Requiring Effort – If this is one of the symptoms of ADHD, most of the world suffers from it. There are millions of people who have played hooky from work or school in lieu of doing something more fun.

5. Quiet Activities – Some view that having a difficulty with quiet activities could be a sign of ADHD – the hyper-active part. It could also be a sign of nervousness. Not everyone is comfortable in complete silence and there are millions of people who sleep better if the radio is on at a low volume at night. It’s not necessarily a hyper-active symptom but more of a comfort issue.

6. Excessive Physical Activity – There are reasons other than ADHD that could drive someone to excessive physical activity. Many health-nuts out there push themselves to the brink of collapse who seemingly don’t have ADHD. Does the need to continuously move warrant calling someone hyper-active? Some of us are plagued with a nervous condition that makes our legs move while we sit subconsciously. Should that be included in the DSM?

Now don’t get me wrong. ADHD is real, and it is a problem.

All I am saying is, that before you go to a specialist asking to medicate your child because you diagnose your child based on what you read on WebMD or heard from your well-meaning friend, spend some more time with your kid and truly observe him/her.

And even when you are told by a specialist that your child has ADHD and needs meds, don’t jump into the action just yet. Make sure detailed methods were used to diagnose your child and if not sure, getting a second – or even third or fourth – opinion could help keep your child safe from miss-diagnosis.

Author Bio:

Jason Miner an expert freelance writer loves writing articles on different categories. He is approaching different bloggers to recognize each other’s efforts through “www.blogcarnival.com”. He can be contacted through e-mail at jasonminer8 at gmail dot com.

The modern bully wears many faces, and has an unprecedented level of access to the lives of those they hurt. Here are seven forms of bullying that today’s children are exposed to on a regular basis.

1. Cyber-Bullying – Bullies are able to take their insults, threats and hurtful words to a very public and thoroughly humiliating new level through social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Status updates make it easy for an entire social group to view and even comment on cruelty, while more personal threats can be sent through private messaging. Blogging platforms can also be used to mount full-scale smear campaigns, making it almost impossible for victims to face their peers.
2. “Frenemies” – While the word “frenemy,” a portmanteau of the words “friend” and “enemy,” can be traced back to a 1953 Nevada State Journal article, the concept is intimately familiar to modern tweens and teens. Girls in particular have started to accept backhanded compliments and blatant rivalry as traits of their associates. When more assertive girls use the force of their personality and the threat of revoked social standing to coerce other members of their peer group into doing or saying things against their will, it is absolutely a form of bullying and should be treated as such.
3. Bullying By Authority Figures – Typically, bullying is considered to fall in the realm of children and their peer group. As a result, taunts, insults and derogatory comments made by mean-spirited teachers or overzealous athletic coaches typically go unchallenged. Taught to obey authority figures, meek and mild-mannered children may never report this behavior for fear of retribution or punishment.
4. Physical Harassment – There’s nothing new about physical bullying; stronger kids have been known to lord their prowess over smaller peers since the beginning of time. Tougher punishments and penalties have simply forced these bullies to get more creative when doling out their abuse, rather than curtailing it.
5. Exclusion and Ostracism – Teachers and counselors with good intentions can make every effort to stamp out physical and verbal harassment, but their hands are tied when it comes to exclusion. Children and adolescents simply can’t be forced to associate with someone they’ve deemed an outcast, and this ostracism can be more painful for the victims than physical punches and kicks.
6. Verbal Harassment – Name-calling, teasing and making fun of a child’s appearance, wardrobe or any other area of perceived inferiority might have crept over into social media and text message wars, but that hasn’t diminished its face-to-face value. Though the old adage about sticks and stones makes for a catchy rhyme, it does little to comfort youngsters that are mercilessly taunted for one “failing” or another.
7. Blackmail – When every tween and teen carries a phone that doubles as a camera, snapping photos that double as blackmail material is the work of a moment. The release, or even the mere threat of release, of an embarrassing picture can send kids into a panic; kids who willfully inflict this torment on a peer are a new breed of bully.

Shame and fear of revenge can keep children from telling even a trusted adult about what they’re suffering through, leaving them feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of shouldering the burden alone.

Because children are so often reluctant to discuss bullying, parents and caregivers should be on the lookout for signs of depression, isolation and agitation, which can be indicators of emotional turmoil and distress.

Author: Roxanne Porter